Take home a Geek today

Take home a Geek today.

(read 'Geek' as mathematician, physicist, computer programmer, aspie etc if you like)

You'll never regret the decision to take a Geek home.

Geeks are always useful. Worried about the stories you hear from others about how their spouse doesn't do things around the house? Never have that fear when you have a Geek. They know how everything works and, if they don't know, they'll find out. Need the dishwasher fixed, the computer defragged, the house rewired? Your Geek will have it done in no time and will be standing there with a proud smile on his face, having not only fixed the appliance but added infrared remote functionality and a time travel widget as well.

Has the family car or your kids' space shuttle run out of fuel? No problem when you have a Geek, a large bottle of vinegar and a blow torch.  The outcome will blow you away!

Don't ever worry about your spouse spending too much money on clothes and hair care products and jewelry when you have a Geek. They just don't care what they look like. They'll have the same pair of jeans for a decade and the t-shirt will be holier than Pope Francis before it's retired. Hair cuts will be an annual event and Dunlop Volleys are appropriate for everything other than the most formal weddings. Note for new owners: you may need to thrust your Geek in the direction of the bath from time to time, especially if they have become absorbed in a programming problem that has had them in thrall for three days or so.

And it's a benefit for you too. They won't notice what you're wearing so you don't need to try too hard. Get around in whatever makes you comfortable and come to bed naked. It's all good.

How many women are embarrassed to take their husbands out to parties because they'll tell inappropriate jokes or make passes at other women? Those happy women who've taken home a Geek never fear these occasions. Mostly because the Geek is unlikely to even be there - they don't like people very much and they certainly don't like crowds, noise and small talk. If they have managed to get a matching pair of shoes on, their faces shaven and through the door into the party venue, they won't be there telling inappropriate jokes - they probably don't know any jokes that don't involve logarithms - and they won't be making passes at women because they won't be circulating; they'll be in the kitchen or a quiet place somewhere, engaged in a deep, fact-based conversation with someone they've only just met. They'll only notice she's female if she actually takes her clothes off so, unless you're going to some spectacular parties where women strip naked at the first mention of Fermat's Last Theorem, then you're probably OK.

Communication problems in your relationship can be a thing of the past. Your Geek will communicate directly or not at all. You will have to state exactly what you want - hints are no good - but what is good is that your Geek will then go to the ends of the Earth to get it for you. He will tell you exactly what he wants too. There will be no easily misunderstood innuendos or hidden half-suggestions to make your domestic life into Hell. It's all out there. The only time you will need to develop a suspicion about your Geek is if he answers the question "What are you thinking about?" with "Nothing." He must be lying. His brain never switches off. What he's thinking about will probably surprise you - most people don't lie naked after sex trying to figure out spherical trigonometry - but he won't be thinking about nothing.

Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes. Possibly true of the Greeks but never of your Geek. Indeed, you can be sure of your Geek, even when he's not bearing gifts. For other women, if their husband hasn't told them "I love you" in a while, they're worried that he's having an affair. For the happy wife of the Geek, she knows that it's not that he's stopped loving her, it's just that he told her eighteen months ago, on a Sunday, at 8pm, over dinner and he's working on the assumption that the emotion persists until further notice.

And finally you need never be ignorant. If you have a question, he can answer it. He's probably read a book about it or watched a documentary or written a thesis on the topic. Raise even the most abstruse of topics and you can be sure your Geek will be able to give you the most up to date information. (Note that this warranty does not hold good for anything to do with people, emotions, intuitions or any other girly stuff like that).

Take a Geek home today! You won't be disappointed.

Notes:

Dunlop Volleys are canvas shoes, worth about $20 a pair, that have been popular as give-a-shit shoes in Australia for generations.

Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes - Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. More correctly, "I fear the Greeks, even when they bring gifts"

"Abstruse" means 'difficult to understand or obscure'. The word most people use in this case is "obtuse" which means 'greater than 90 degrees but less than 180 degrees'. This is the sort of thing your Geek can tell you - and your life will be better for it.

If you've enjoyed this recommendation and have a friend that needs a Geek in their lives, share this on Facebook or another social media of your choice. Geeks love computer stuff!