Fellas (and, to some extent, ladies) , if you want to try it on with younger members of your preferred gender, hunt in the wild where the prey has an even money chance of escaping. Hunting caged animals is unsportsmanlike and will result in a citation.
The following case studies will help you understand and apply the regulations:
The French back-packer waitress at the cafĂ© brings you your coffee. If you’re really lame you’ll bait the hook with a French “merci”. Even if you don’t, holding her there with an opening line like “this time twelve months ago, when I was in the south of France” is not allowed. She has to smile at you – so you can delude yourself that your repartee has earned you a smile from a bronze skinned European beauty – and she has to listen politely. Beautiful young ladies listening to you and smiling, yes, that’s rare these days, but there’s no way that this conversation is going to end with her sitting down to coffee with you and exchanging bodily fluids later in the evening. Because she has a chance of wriggling free by the simple expedient of moving off to serve the next customer, I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but don’t do it again.
Your daughter’s friends (assuming of course that your daughter is at least 18, otherwise click here to summon a constable) are a protected species. This isn’t American Beauty. When they’re staying over at your place, bailing them up over the dinner table with an endless list of apparently caring and paternal questions and thereby prying into their lives is fish-in-a-barrel material. You aren’t the first bloke to try that one on. No warnings for that one, there’s a hefty fine in the mail. Oh, and I’m confiscating those rose petals too.
On any form of public transport where you’re on the aisle side of the prey, you have no hunting rights at all. Don’t even think you’ve got a whiff of a scent let alone the right to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. This is the worst kind of cage hunting. In that situation, her defences only amount to headphones, the advertorial-badged-as-journalism on new Australian wines in the in-flight magazine or gazing in fascinated concentration at the featureless sky. Forcing her to listen to your worn-to-threadbare stories and come-ons disguised as jokes in that environment is the in-public equivalent of tying her to a chair in a darkened warehouse with water dripping on her head. Poor form! Not only will you be getting a fine in the mail, but in future the airline will always seat you, three across, with two other offenders, both of whom are models for Mr Big clothing and walking proof that deodorant is not for everybody.
These case studies should serve to inform you of the scope of the regulations. If you have any difficulty understanding them, please call our helpline.
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