So I'll control that

You get the feeling, listening to the increasingly hysterical and silly policies that governments are coming up with to control illegal immigration, that they're trying so hard to exercise control in that area because they're politically incontinent in more or less every other way. They can't make us all Christian, they can't get us all to live behind a white picket fence, they can't control drug use, the economy, the exchange rate, the traffic or even the prevalence of dog poo on our footpaths but, by God, they can control those illegals!

It's like a disappointed highway cop who pulls over a Harley rider, convinced that he's got himself a bikie kingpin only to find an inoffensive science teacher and father of three on his way to grandma's house with a pannier full of goodies. You can bet your driver’s license that the big bad wolf will find a bald tyre or malfunctioning blinker light in there somewhere.

As a parent, I know how this works.  I want to control what my daughter wears, how she dresses, what music she listens to, who her friends are and at what rate her interest in boys develops.  What I actually can control, sometimes, is her room.

“While you live in this house, young lady, you will keep that room tidy; you will respect my authority!” (yes, read it Cartman-style if you'd like).

By the way, the answer to your question about why fathers want to control boyfriends, young lady, is that I was a teenage boy once, I know what his libido is thinking and my attitude to him doing that with you is exactly the same as your attitude to me doing that with your mother.

Note the repetition of the condescending “young lady” there. It was deliberate. It helps reinforce my illusion of authority and control.

The problem of controlling something to cover for your general level of incontinence is well worth understanding.  Every so often, there comes a point when you know it’s time to brush up the CV, don the life-jacket and jump overboard before the skipper drives the company you work for onto some long-since-charted and clearly visible rocks. You know that point? The early warning signs of that are when the managers start issuing guidelines about appropriate footwear for the office, corporate standards for the Christmas decorations or safety instructions about how to cross the road or walk down a flight of stairs. At that point, the board has lost control of everything important and the proverbial is just gushing out of them. Man the lifeboats!

You can tell the same thing about governments. When they have completely lost control of the budget and can’t rein in the billions being wasted on submarines that leak, fighter planes that don’t exist, small business incentive programs that are funding drug cartels and law and order initiatives that are filling the jails with parking fine defaulters, it’s time for a crackdown on welfare fraud. As we all know, it’s single mothers and paraplegics who are the biggest drain on our economy. Tax payers dollars being wasted, ten bucks at a time, on overpayments to people who could have made do on just the one can of baked beans this week rather than rorting the hardworking people of this nation for two cans and a loaf of bread. At this point, it’s time for an election; let the other guys have a crack at running the place for a while because the current mob has lost it completely.

They’ll be cracking down on illegal immigrants next.

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