We hold these truths to be self evident

Lord Bowen, in his now famous judgement, cemented in the public mind the enduring image of the "reasonable man"; the ultimate antihero who rides the bus to work and is as average as they come.

What this man knows and what he can foresee have been the subject of much legal debate over the years. To aid our ailing courts and to limit litigation, we, as a society, hold these truths to be self-evident. In other words, don't say you weren't warned:

Coffee is hot - says so on the lid. Giving yourself a singe Brazilian by holding it between your legs whilst driving is nobody's fault but yours.

Roads are slippery when wet - almost anything is.  We're not putting those signs up any more.

Driving through flood waters will kill you. We are not coming to save you if you do it and there will no longer be any "indicators show depth" rubbish.  All such signs will be replaced with a simple "Road flooded. Just don't" sign.

Internal combustion engines produce carbon monoxide which is fatal if you inhale too much of it. No more warnings in manuals or on stickers near the fuel tank about running your generator in your bedroom.

And on the subject, if you're smart enough to read, you should have enough brain cells left to know that concentrating or inhaling the contents of a can of toilet spray is not going to do you any good. That space on the packaging will be intentionally left blank from now on.

Plastic bags are not toys; nor are dynamite, arsenic or uranium. The last three products don’t come with warnings printed on them not to let your kids play with them, so nor will plastic bags.

Red means stop, do not go.  If the flashing red light and the sheer tonnage of the 90 car on coming freight train aren't enough to make you wait for 60 seconds, then evolution has assigned you to the scrap heap of history.  A sign reminding you not to cross when the red light is flashing is not going to help you any.

Those long black things above your head are power lines and they're up that high for a very good reason: 11kV  is more of a morning heart starter than anyone other than the chronically dead need and, no, you won't just get the humorous x-ray skeleton effect and the crazy scientist hairdo.  We are not spending another cent of taxpayers' money telling you not to touch them.

Beaches, rivers, and the like don't come with depth indicators.  Having a handy chunk of Australian manliness nearby bedecked in striking red and yellow is not a promise that it's safe to dive in. Walk in first, test the depth, then give way to your testosterone fuelled stupidity and plunge in from whatever height you deem prudent. We are not in the business of making the entire planet safe for drunken clowns.

And finally if you set fire to your flatulence, you don't get to sue the makers of the cigarette lighter for your Johnny Cash experience.  You are responsible for keeping your own arse out of trouble.