Thursday, 15 May 2014

The Lev Koverni Crisis


A magnificent job has been done, over the last fifty years, of keeping the lid on the  Lev Koverni  crisis but the recent declassifying of key documents has shed light on this fascinating story.

It started in the summer of 2013 with a series of Facebook posts detailing escalating human rights abuses in the reclusive state. Harrowing photographs of emaciated children accompanied the posts which went viral, attracting millions of likes and comments. Quite why atrocities of this sort should be liked so universally went unquestioned at the time.

Further disturbing images and descriptions of torture of people hostile to the government of LK leaked out into cyberspace, in some cases via social media, in others via MMS to journalists at major news outlets.

The growing weight of evidence of torture triggered a campaign by major human rights organisations who, based on the information gathered, launched an international push for coordinated action to be taken to stop this harm. Donations were gathered, protests organised and pressure brought to bear on all western, democratic governments.

In the meanwhile, the corporate world had its own issues to deal with concerning LK. Documents stolen from BP had appeared on Wikileaks. They detailed preliminary geological surveys suggesting that oil and natural gas were probably present in significant quantities in the plains region just outside the capital. Previously considered uneconomic, the tapping of these reserves was now in consideration due to the steadily rising international energy prices. BP denied all knowledge of the documents but the market had other views and BP’s stock gained 10% on the news. Rival companies started to make circumspect enquiries into how tightly BP had the LK market locked and what opportunities might exist.

Very little information was available at this stage. LK was not a member of the UN and the only known consulates, according to information from the LK Foreign Affairs department, were in Kazakhstan, Afghanistan and Oman. Attempts to contact the government in LK were met with silence.

Towards the end of summer, events began to move very quickly. Almost simultaneously, packages delivered to the Pentagon and to Thames House exploded in the mail rooms, spreading white powder over a number of people.  Counter-terrorism measures were activated, crisis committees of senior government officials met in secret session and analysts scrambled for what information they could get about these unprecedented attacks.

Six hours after the explosions, video posted on Al Jazeera’s website claimed responsibility in the name of Shutka, a violent revolutionary organisation devoted to the overthrow of the LK government and establishment of a fundamentalist, Sharia state in the region. Answering Congressional Committee questions following the events, senior intelligence officials were forced to admit that Shutka had not been on the radar of their agencies to that point. An Al Qaeda connection was suggested and further videos, promising more attacks of the same kind, were posted to Al Jazeera and other sites known to be methods of communication for terrorist agencies.

A week later, secretive email messages, sent through a proxy, were received by the White House, the Kremlin and other major centres of government, begging help on behalf of the democratically elected Durak of LK. The Shutka had gotten out of hand, the messages read, and only intervention by the west could ensure ongoing stable, secular government. Multinational energy companies brought further pressure for intervention to bear to protect their strategic investments and interests.

The UN Security Council met in emergency session well into the night and, after lengthy negotiations, agreed to an urgent peace-keeping mission being sent to the region “to protect democracy and uphold the government of the Lev Koverni Durak.”

Ten days later, a US carrier battle group, supported by two British destroyers and five Chinese submarines arrived at the location of LK’s major harbour, much to the surprise of the three blokes in a small fishing vessel who were the only ones there. Taken on board the flagship for interrogation, the three seemed genuinely puzzled as to what was going on until one of them said, “Bloody Bob and Stan!”

Robert James Holloway (36) and Stanley Miles Probert (27) were arrested 12 hours later in the IT support section of the offices of a major Australian accountancy firm. They were found to be in possession of talcum powder, a number of jacks-in-the-box, map editing software and a large and long simmering grudge which had arisen from not having been allowed leave to accompany their colleagues on their month long fishing vacation.

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