It's the end of the world

And I looked and I beheld the father sitting on the lounge and at the right hand of the father sat a cup of coffee.

And the father spake saying "There will be silence in heaven for half an hour"

And the heavenly host praised the father singing

"Blessed are you who have spent all day chasing the kids around.
For you have taken them to sport and put band-aids on their injuries
And you have admired the Lego creations and
Doneth thou the housework"

And the father sat.

Then the lamb opened the seventh seal

And I heard a voice like unto thunder say

"Daaad"

And I beheld a child with a Samsung Tablet who had, against divine instructions, accessed the PlayStore and found a new game. And the child spake saying

"Dad. This one's for free. Can I download it? Because Alex got one and it's not fair"

And to him was given the power to take away peace from the father for five minutes.

Then the father raised the cup with his right hand.

And I heard a voice like unto thunder say

"Daaad"

And I beheld a smaller child on a push along pirate ship. And poo followed close behind.

And he held in his hands a pair of sandals that he was determined to put on but was as yet unable to due to his infancy.

And to him was given the power to take away peace from the father for ten minutes.

And the father saw that it was good and peace returned.

For thirty seconds.

And I heard a voice like unto thunder say

"Daaad"

And I beheld a third child and he bore a stick. And he spake saying

"He hit me with this"

And I heard the voice of the father saying "Hurtest thou not the brothers or the sisters."

And the father attempted for the final time to drink his coffee.

Then a voice like unto thunder spake saying

"Daaad"

And I beheld a fourth child - an adolescent who could not otherwise be summoned by all the trumpets of the heavenly host.

And she bore a swimming bag and shoes. And she spake saying

"Dad. Rowing starts in half an hour"

And the father poured away his coffee, rolled up his newspaper and, with a countenance like sack cloth, went forth.