Busking for idiots

Music: A combination of notes and rhythm that is pleasing to the ear.

Rehearsal: Repetition of a piece of music (q.v.) until it sounds something like what you heard on the radio. It could well be worth getting a friend to listen to you to check your judgment on this point.

Ensemble: A number of musicians (q.v.) that perform together. It is important that you have met and, ideally, had a rehearsal (q.v.) prior to the performance. Ideally, two of you will have some skill (q.v)

Harmony: Some notes above or below the main melody that complement that melody. It is achieved through deliberate choices made during rehearsal (q.v.) and not accidentally, by strafing the scale to find the note. Start with parallel thirds or horn fifths for beginners. The tri-tone should be avoided for all but the most experienced performers.

Skill: An ability to use the instruments you have, including your voice, to make music (q.v.). More than mere enthusiasm and three lessons are required.

Melody: A series of notes that, when sung in the right sequence, is recognizable to an audience and defines the song you’re singing. The sequence of notes is important.

Improvisation: A short piece of invented virtuosity that adds flourish and brilliance to the melody (q.v.). It is not a substitution for rehearsal (q.v.) or skill (q.v.)

Costume: A piece of colourful advertising that attracts the public to your performance. Not to be confused with a smokescreen which is a way to distract the public from the lack of music (q.v.) in your performance.

Soundtrack: A pre-recorded accompaniment to your performance that substitutes for an ensemble that you would need to share your money with. When you’re using one, remember that you need to be able to hear it and that you should sing the same song as the one playing on the equipment, in the same key and to the same tempo.

Tuning: The process by which an ensemble (q.v.) ensures that their instruments all have the same pitch. This is ideally completed prior to the performance.

Musician: A person who understands and can put into practice the points above.

Brick: A heavy, pointed object that connects firmly with your head when you fail to demonstrate an understanding of the definitions above.