When is an area not an area? When it's a precinct.
My local council is busily converting the foreshore area around Coffs Harbour into a precinct. Being new to the area and keen to see how my ratepayer's dollar are being spent, I looked up the plans on the internet to see what this precinct would mean to me.
It would appear that the first thing to note is that "precinct" is an important word to use if you want to justify massive overspend. The current works are busily constructing about 100m of paved path connecting the end of the jetty - where many people congregate to admire the ocean and enjoy the sea breeze - to the gates of the railway crossing which are less appealing to, and thus less frequented by, the passing citizenry. Quite why the path is necessary at all is the first mystery as most people drive over the railway line and park their fine automobiles in the free beachside land alloted for the purpose. But even more opaque is why 100m worth of paved path is costing $1,300 a square metre - about $1.3m all up. These mysteries were, of course, solved for me by reading the strategic plan. In a plain, everyday "area", that kind of cost would seem like someone got a sweet deal from Uncle Vinnie who's got a seat on the council but, as it's a shiny new "precinct", that kind of cost is entirely justifiable; these are denser, thicker precinct pavers we're talking about here - probably chosen in tribute to the members of the planning committee.
The concept of 'precinct' is also necessary to justify the money that it takes to turn pastel-shaded artists impressions into rock solid wastes of public funds. The artist's impression inevitably shows Fifties dads in slacks and carefree women in summer frocks feeding a delicious picnic to their immaculately behaved offspring at picturesque picnic tables. If it wasn't a 'precinct', it might be fair to note that the reality is more likely to be several thousand dollars worth of seagull latrine placed square in the path of the prevailing wind and thoughtfully provided with no shelter making it hot enough to fry your children sunny side up on most summer days. But it is, in fact, a precinct and special precinct by-laws will ensure that poor avian hygiene habits, marauding ants and other such joys of nature don't importune we ratepayers when we use the facilities.
The final important aspect of a precinct is that it's not possible without a strategic planning document and a comprehensive set of incomprehensible plans prepared for you by a consultant at something north of $200K a go. In our case, these impressive artefacts show in detail how the new precinct will feature large open spaces, just not big enough to do anything useful like play cricket in, and inconveniently meandering paths that serve no useful purpose as they are neither efficient thoroughfares nor picturesque promenades, with ugly things like roads moved away to a respectable distance and decently hidden behind trees that our grandchildren might one day live to enjoy . These plans are critical, however, to stop the public noticing that all this precintive brilliance is, in fact, replacing large open spaces, meandering paths and otherwise inoffensive carparking placed conveniently close to places you might actually want to go.
But we needn't worry unduly; no-one has to build all of it. The great thing about a precinct is that it can provide a pretext for pet projects. Just slip them into phase 1 of a multi-phase, multi-year, multi-million dollar pachyderm with albino tendencies and you can get away with having them built for four to five times what it would have cost to have them done on their own - if you could have gotten anyone to take an interest in them in the first place.
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