It was a beautiful day on the island of Sodor. Down at Tidmouth sheds, the Fat Controller was just arriving for work. Thomas had an important job to do at the Sodor Dairy but he was still fast asleep.
"Wake up, sleepyheads", boomed the Fat Controller.
Thomas opened one eye, grunted, closed the eye again and went back to sleep, mumbling something incomprehensible about dairies, assholes and sideways.
"Come on you two", yelled the Fat Controller at Thomas and Percy, "You need to be Really Useful engines."
"We're not kids any more, Bertram", mumbled Thomas without opening his eyes.
"That's Sir Topham Hatt to you", retorted the Fat Controller.
"It's lucky he hasn't asked you to pull a really special special", whispered Percy to Thomas, just loud enough for the Fat Controller to hear.
"A really special special", replied Thomas in his retard voice.
They both chuckled.
The Fat Controller gave up in disgust and went away to find Toby, who was living every day in such dread of being turned into a concrete-mounted playground toy that he would agree to anything
Later that day, the Fat Controller was expounding on his woes to Lady Hatt.
"They're not like they used to be", he said, over his cup of tea, "they used to leap out of the sheds early, with smiles fixed on their faces and race away up the branch lines like nothing on earth. Now it's all grumbles and sleeping in and finding jobs half done, goods not delivered and passengers left stranded at stations."
Lady Hatt just smiled indulgently at her husband, while sipping her cappuccino. She knew that for Bertram the whole world had stopped in 1912 and nothing was ever supposed to change. Despite the arrival on the island of jets, helicopters and diesel locomotives, Sir Topham still ran his vintage fleet of steam engines with great pride and at a glorious loss; an invincible bulwark against the pounding waves of progress and modernity.
"Maybe it's that new coal", opined Bertram, ''it certainly smells odd. George and Henry were using it behind Tidmouth Sheds the other day and it really was a most peculiar odour."
Lady Hatt smiled again. She knew all about "special coal" and the secret deal that all the trains had with Cranky down at the docks - someone who knew all about being high. But she wasn't going to say anything. Privately, she was less than happy about the amount of time Bertram had been spending fawning on Alicia Botti - the famous Italian opera singer - and was more than happy to let her husband suffer a little.
"And there's another letter from the department demanding a valuation be done on the stock, lines and buildings. I just know that they want to privatise my railway and sell it off to Richard Branson or some Saudi billionaire. They know nothing about railways. They don't even wear a top hat and coat to work!"
Lady Hatt softened a little. She knew that the continued existence of a steam railway with 108 engines on an island about 300 km square was beyond all economic and even common sense. Eventually someone was going to ask - in spite of the catchy theme tune and increasingly sophisticated animation - what possible Earthly use Bertram had for a train, a driver and a fireman for every three square kilometres of an island whose population - along with that of all the regional areas of the UK - had dropped to such an extent that Percy's mail train was a personal service for about three households and Annie and Clarabel had averaged 6 passengers a day each for the last decade. But she knew Bertram would never live anywhere but in a mental Enid Blyton novel and she really did love him; so she threw him a bone.
"Maybe if you were more firm with them", she suggested.
"Well I do tell them that I am Very Cross with them when they do something wrong", replied an offended Sir Topham Hatt.
"Something stronger, maybe?"
"Would Very Disappointed and a stern voice do it?". asked Sir Topham, starting to feel a little inadequate.
"They're teenagers darling", replied Lady Hatt, "Be a man.They have to know that you're not kidding."
And that was how it came to the day of Thomas' last adventure. He had been sent up to the castle to take a Very Important Parcel to Earl Robert. He had gotten distracted along the way and was found coupled up to Emily in a siding in the woods.
"I'm very sorry sir", said Thomas with a sad look on his face and a sideways glance at Emily who as grinning slightly, "I know you are Very Disappointed in me. It won't happen again."
"It certainly won't", said the Fat Controller sternly, "I'm having you scrapped. You've screwed up one too many times. Abandoned snow plows, lost loads, late deliveries, broken eggs, derailed trains. You've cost me a good deal more than you're worth. You're a Really Useless engine. You're Coke cans, Thomas!"
And from that day on, every engine on the Island of Sodor worked harder than they ever had before.
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