Just give up

I'm not a great one for quitting. Keep trying until you get there, all that sort of thing. But there is a limit and I think there are some things that have gone beyond that particular pale and which we should all just give up on.

The office kitchen

No, my mother doesn't work here but nor does my wife live here. I don't have to start washing it up ten seconds before I start thinking of using it. The place doesn't have to be ready to pass royal inspection at any point. And some of the other guys that work here with me are still living at home with their mothers - who take care of it for them - or in share houses with other blokes who think that nothing needs cleaning until it is actually condemned by the health authorities (aka one of their girlfriends). There is absolutely no way that people are going to wash, dry and put away every teaspoon they use, as they use it. Frankly, I don't do that at home either. It just builds up on the sink until my wife gets sick of it then I pack the dishwasher. Why does anyone think that work is going to be any different?

Toilet paper

Sarcastic little internet videos of girlfriends showing their boyfriends how easy it is to replace the loo paper after use are going nowhere. It is up to the person taking a seat to make sure that they have all the accessories in place. And, in all honesty, how many times is a person really leaving a completely empty roll? The coincidence - that there was just enough left on an almost empty roll for my needs - is a little difficult to credence. What you're probably really complaining about is that there wasn't enough left for your needs; that I didn't anticipate your wiping requirements. Which seems to suggest that you want me to spend time thinking about your toilet use. That's taking empathy WAY too far!

Toilet seats

While we're talking toilets , no I'm not putting the seat down. Do you honestly walk in and sit down without looking? Are you incapable of pulling the seat down yourself? The way you go on about toilet paper and seats, it's like you walk in and sit down with your eyes closed. I might do the same thing, if you like, but don't blame me for the aim-related consequences of that.

Reading your ads

I, like many internet users, am a sucker for lists. The top 10 things not to do when building your own rocket. The 25 funniest real estate agent photos. Love it. So I'll click through ... and I might read ONE ad as payment for your services in providing 30 seconds of relief to my day. Loading 9 ads for Filipino singles and two for things that will shock me when I see what happens next then, after thirty seconds, loading the first photo in the series is not going to get me to read any of those ads. I'm out of here. It's made worse by burying the "Next" button below the digital fold, right under the first row of ads. I now hate you and your advertisers. I will avoid any Letterman Lists with your URL attached.

And, for the love of the almighty, I'm an adult of the internet generation. I'm not shocked by anything!