And Jesus gathered his Twitter followers together and spoke to them most solemnly, saying:
Blessed are the slacktivists, for they shall shall dwell forever in the house of self-satisfied ineffectiveness.
Blessed are they who do not scroll past without typing "Amen" for God will care just as much as they do.
Blessed are the mememakers for trite shall be their lot in heaven.
Blessed are ye when you share all sorts of calumny without checking your facts, for righteousness sake, for you shall get the justice you deserve.
Blessed are the misquoters for they shall have their words twisted also unto them (Albert Einstein).
Blessed are the atheists for theirs is the kingdom of heathen.
Blessed are the drunk for their Revelations will last for all time, haunting them even into Armageddon.
Blessed are the cat lovers for they have misunderstood the popularity of pussy on the Internet.
Blessed are they who rub our noses in their family holiday to Hawaii for so many days shall be deducted from their eternal paradise.
Blessed are they who pour their righteous ire out upon hoaxes for they shall be ridiculed.
Blessed are they who post veiled complaints about their lot in life for they shall be called fishers of sympathy.
And, ye verily, before Jesus had finished speaking, his video had gone viral and he had been flamed by Gentile and Jew alike.
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